Notes

• → Core Idea
• • Written by former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss.
• • Argues that negotiation is not about logic or compromise, but about emotional intelligence, empathy, and tactical communication.
• • “Never split the difference” means: don’t settle halfway — aim for outcomes that truly satisfy your goals.
• → Key Principles & Techniques
• 1. Mirroring
• • Repeat the last few words your counterpart says (in a calm tone).
• • Builds rapport and encourages them to elaborate.
• • Example:
• ⇾ Them: “I’m not sure this will work.”
• ⇾ You: “Not sure this will work?”
• Basically, be a broken record
• 2. Labeling
• • Identify and name the other person’s emotions to diffuse tension.
• • Use phrases like “It seems like…”, “It looks like…”, “It sounds like…”.
• • Example: “It seems like you’re frustrated with the process.”
• 3. Tactical Empathy
• • Understand and verbalize what the other side feels and sees.
• • Makes people feel heard — and once they feel understood, they become more flexible.
• 4. The Power of “No”
• • Encourage the other person to say no, because it makes them feel safe and in control.
• • “No” opens real discussion; “Yes” is often fake or forced.
• • Example: “Would it be ridiculous to consider…?” invites a safe “No.”
• Here, you can combine this with labeling. Exaggerate the situation so much that the opponent says no. Force a no.
• 5. Calibrated (Open-Ended) Questions
• • Ask “How” and “What” questions to shift problem-solving to them.
• • Example:
• ⇾ “How am I supposed to do that?”
• ⇾ “What would it take to make this work for you?”
• • This invites collaboration instead of confrontation.
• 6. The “Ackerman Model” (Bargaining Framework)
• 1. Set your target price (goal).
• 2. Start at 65% of that number.
• 3. Increase to 85%, then 95%, then 100%, using empathy and calibrated questions.
• 4. End with a non-monetary item to show you’re at your limit.
• 7. The 7-38-55 Rule of Communication
• • Only 7% of meaning is in words; 38% in tone; 55% in body language.
• • Emotional delivery matters more than exact wording.
• 8. “That’s Right” Moment
• • Your goal is to get the other person to say “That’s right”, not “You’re right.”
• • “That’s right” shows genuine agreement and understanding.
• 9. The “Black Swan” Concept
• • Look for hidden pieces of information (“Black Swans”) that can change the whole negotiation.
• • Every negotiation has unknowns — discovering them gives you leverage.
• → Mindset Shifts
• Negotiation is not war, it’s discovery.
• Empathy is not weakness; it’s a powerful tool.
• Patience and listening are more effective than pushing.
• Never compromise just to “meet in the middle” — that often means both sides lose.
• → Key Takeaways
• Good negotiators create trust through empathy, not dominance.
• Use tone, curiosity, and emotional intelligence to influence outcomes.
• The best deals come from connection, not competition.